I've decided that this is my last entry for this blog. It seems fitting. It is time for me to move on to bigger and better things. Graduation was absolutely wonderful!!! Almost surreal- I'd waited for the day to come since my first day of high school as a wee freshman. Graduation was truly my best experience of high school. I got to sit on the stage for working so hard, keeping my grades up, and staying in the top 5%. I got to sit with my friends who were also in the top 5%. And it was the last time I had to be in high school. I was soooo soooo happy and proud. My parents said they'd never seen me so happy when singing the school song, and they're right. 

Its horrible, but I'm not sad that I'm leaving high school. So many people loved high school, but not me. I hated it, I loathed it, but I'm free now. I have no regrets about not missing that awful place, and I know many people will always consider high school some of the best years of their life, but I think their crazy. 

There is a quote, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." This year hasn't been good at all for me. It has probably been the worst year of my life. Has this year made me stronger? For now I really don't know. At times I feel like this year has permanently taken away some of the innocense and joy from my heart. I've always felt that things are meant to happen for a reason though. Maybe twenty years down the road, I will understand why I had to experience this year, and I truly will be stronger for it.

I will now be starting the next chapter of my life. I will find good friends, and prepare myself in college towards the life I wish to live. Who knows what lies ahead, but I now know, that I can do almost whatever I wish with enough hard work, passion and determination. Regardless of how others feel about it. I am my own soldier, and with the help of God, I can have a great future. I hope all the random people who have read this in the past have enjoyed it. It has been nice to share some of my thoughts with you. And now, it is with my pleasure, that I gracefully bow out, and wish you a kind thank you, a proud farewell, and a goodnight....

I never have to walk in that prison again! I never have to be in those nasty halls with all those people I don't like. I never have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and go to school when its still dark and do the same friggin routine every single day. High school sucked and all those faculty and students can kiss my ass. All those suckers are stuck there, but not me! i never have to go to my high school, never ever ever again.... well except if its for mrs. hubner... But, I never have to go in that horrible hell hole ever again!!!!!! I'm free from prison!!!! Horray, horray, I'm free, I'm free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best quotes ever from the best movie ever (You've Got Mail):

Nelson Fox: Perfect. Keep those West Side, liberal, nuts, psudo- intellectuals...
Joe Fox: Readers Dad, they're called readers.
Nelson Fox: Don't do that son, don't romanticize them.

Graduation is just around the corner and I can't wait.... It's amazing how much you think you know people until something happens that truly test their morals and beliefs- then you find out who are REALLY the true friends, or the kind hearted people, or the truthful people. I don't know that I can trust anyone anymore.

Also, I find it frustrating that people are judged by their appearances. We are just pieces of skin wrapped over a soul- so really if you think about it, instead of people being judged by their kindness, or friendliness, they are being judged by how pretty some molded external tissue is. It's just our costume, nothing more. Nobody seems to get that but me though. One day I will get to start all over again though, fresh and new, and I'll never have to look back at my crappy past again.

Time is so confusing and frustrating. I want things to hurry up and to fly into the future, but I also feel that I am running out of time.. and options. I refuse to be like this next year at UT. My life has become so limited and so full of physical pain. I was hoping things might get better by prom or graduation, but I now see that that is not going to happen... I am running out of ideas and options. I believe I need a miracle. Please let things be better by the time I go to UT.

Spring Break went by way too fast. Early Saturday morning my family left for my grandparent's in Mississippi. My grandpa had to be put in the nursing home a few months again and has been doing really really bad. He is staying at a Veteran's Nursing Home that's really nice and new. There are basically only men there, and there is a nice big pond for fishing. Also, there are wild turkeys or ducks, or something like that, that supposedly come up to the nursing home all the time. My grandpa seemed to be in a lot of despair. His mind is still very good but he can no longer really feed himself, and can't walk anymore. He cried a lot and its very weird whenever I see my grandpa cry.

We came back Wednesday. The rest of the week I did the following plus more I forgot: I went to the Menil Art Museum, which is a free art musuem created by an extremely rich, and now dead, couple. There were lots of things done my Magritte there. I also went to the doctors in Houston. Although I hate appointments in Conroe and the Woodlands usually, I like my appointments in Houston. The people actually care about their practice and their patients. They are much more experienced and determined. Also the place is really pretty and is HUGE. Millions of people are there for millions of different reasons that you can't even imagine, but Houston has specialists for them. I also got a prom dress and I think I really like it... I better because when I got back home and looked at the reciept I noticed that I can't return it. Its kinda clingy and turquoise with lots of beads. I also bought flowers and planted them, met Megan and Krystal who were taking pictures, and played board games with Jingjing. My dad scared her.

I started the book, The Life of Pi, over spring break and am almost finished. It is very very very good and I recommend it to anyone. The guy is an outstanding writer, and not only is the book very imaginative with some adventure, but it is written beautifully, and is largely based on faith and God. The song  Bridge Over Troubled Water has always been a great song to me. Simon and Garfunkel do a great job singing it, and two years ago in a subway at NYC I heard a young black guy playing the keyboard and singing it. He has a gorgeous voice. Michael W. Smith has redone the song now. It's interesting looking at it from a Christian perspective, because in the past I always thought it was a song about a couple of people in love. I like it as a religious song better.

Bridge Over Troubled Water:

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Hmm... sry about my last entry, I was in a bad mood. I do have to say that although things haven't been going good at all for me this year, the one thing that has been helping me is God. I have been listening to KSBJ a lot more and I watch Joel Osteen and I go to The Ark with Megan. Its so nice to hear the word of God and to know that no matter how bad things may get, one day, even if I have to wait till I'm eighty something, I will be in heaven and things will be perfect. And, as much as I may not like it right now, God knows what he is doing and has a plan for me. KSBJ and Joel Osteen are good motivators and I like that at the Ark I can worship God without worrying what other people are thinking about me. Everyone just seems so much happier to learn about God than at First Pres. I also get so much more out of the sermons. I like that I don't know anyone really at the Ark. They go about their business, and I go about mine. At First Pres I always have trouble staying awake and everyone is just so somber and boring. I don't know what I would do without my outlets for God right now. It's really helping me to see my priorities differently. Here are a couple songs I like on KSBJ right now. And you can think I am stupid or a bible beater or whatever, but I don't really give a crap, because God is awesome.

I hurt so bad right now. I'm so sick of neverending pain and I'm getting so frustrated that no doctors will ever figure out whats wrong with me. Is this how I'm going to have to live the rest of my life? My body is deteriorating itself. I really really hope things get better for me some day. I've become bitter- I'm so jealous of healthy people. I'd like to see anyone reading this live a day in my life. You wouldn't be able to handle it. You'd break and crumble on the inside. I may act like everything is okay, but I am just faking it and lying through my teeth. I get through each day with about 100000% more determination and strength than most of you. You losers.